Thursday, May 23, 2019
Forgive Me Mother Essay
Its strange how memories of the past can be so terrifying. The thoughts and the occurring dreams are always similar. I would remember longing for a summer where the summers light would beam on my body with the warmth of the sun. Winter was worse because I was terrified by the cold thick air that I would root on inside my thin body until it feels I was shivering to death. The feeling of macrocosm alone , I couldnt even peacefulness at night without being terrified not because of being alone , scarce knowing my life would dwell with no hope for me for the future. I would see paranormal hardinesss of my father. The haunting face would stare at me with such gentle eyes , yet sad. Its like he was watching over me.Years ago when I had a family, loving yet annoyingly humorous in a family sense that I miss. We were having dinner with the family with just me , my mother and father. My mother was preparing the food and my father was orgasm home from work. However he never came buns and my mother was worried and panicked. I was still too nave to understand the situation fully back then. Hell I beginnert even know how old I am any more(prenominal) since Ive lost track of time. I cried at first because my mother was always the strong type in the family. It was the first time Ive seen her cry and the emotions inside of me wanted me to cry with her. He never came back and the authoritys told us he went missing. He was the provider of the family and we were financially unstable.My mother had to look for work , so she left to the city. She told me she would call me when she would be back. Once she left , the people who collects debt knocked on my door and seized the house. I had no hind end to go and so I left to find shelter and food. I got hired a job in a local newspaper agency to hand out flyers to neighbour streets. It was so cold that I never gave up hoping my mother would come back and take care of me. She couldnt take me with her because she could precisely afford enough for herself to travel. We lived in a itsy-bitsy town surrounded by snow somewhere in the upper regions of South Korea. hotshot day while I was sleeping in the landmark of the streets. A man walked pass with a white hat and apron with a grin on his cheeks. He looked at me for a couple of minutes. I was scared so I didnt look back at him out of fear. I hear footsteps access towards me and I was about to run. He asked why are you out in the streets alone at your age? , How old are you?. I replied in a low voice I dont know. He had a strange look on his face and asked me where my guardians was. I replied to him that I dont know either. He asked me more questions which I all replied I Dont know.I looked up and saw his face. He was a old man with a byssus and had a stick on him which looked like it was supporting him move. It was a silent cold night and Im not sure why he would be walking around at this time. He asked if I would like to work at his restaurant with cleani ng and get paid for it.With nothing to sustain I gladly accepted his offer. He took me to his place , it didnt seem what he said it was. The restaurant looked like a dump and I only saw girls on the front door outside of the restaurant wearing what looked like beach clothing in cold weather. I was suspicious but I had nowhere to go and I didnt know the way back from here. I followed the old man and he took me into a small way of life with 10 other children. At first I thought he was taking care of us until there was only girls in the room coming in and out one by one with a man. This isnt a restaurant I suspected. I was disgusted and tried to leave but they didnt let me leave.Pushing and crying to get out. They pulled me back , held both my hands and chucked me into a room by myself and locked the doors. Suddenly someone said * calm air down or they will punish you*. I stoped and looked for the source of the sound. The room had a little vent which leads to the other rooms. I whisp ered to the girl What is this place in a panicking voice. She told me it was a brothel where everyone gets kidnapped and rape for money by strangers. I asked her I was a male, what do they want from me? She told me she doesnt know either.I didnt want to find out , my life was already crumbling and now this. There was a medicine cabinet inside the room. I searched inside and form sleeping pills , I remember taking these when I lived with my parents. I could never sleep so the doctor prescribed me sleeping pills.I tried to sleep but I couldnt out of the fear what was going to happen to me. I suggested to myself I should take these pills and ease things. I took the bottle of medicine from the cabinet.One wasnt enough for me so I thought. I took more and more until I was feeling dizzy. I counted how many times and how much Ive taken. only when I lost count and started again. I needed more and I needed my peaceful slumber. I was scared to think what was going to happen and unplowed tak ing more and more pills until I could feel the bottom of the container. My body begins to weaken and I could no longer feel my fingers. My eyelids begin to shutdown. Soon tail was all I could see , I felt a hollowing in a room with darkness and suspended in time. Forgive me mother I love you.